What’s wrong with being who you are?
How often have we heard the phrase ‘Be who you are’? Probably too often, I can tell from the rolling eyes in the back there. We’re going to talk about it anyway, because without this firmly in place you’re going to fail. What’s more, you’re going to fail so badly you might not even realize you’ve failed. Maybe even if you get to that situation everyone around you will think you’ve succeeded; you’d have the job, the partner, the kids, the house – what more could you ask for right?
A lot. I have one thing to say here that’ll sum up the rest of my post (though I’d encourage you to read it anyway of course) – Having everything you’re taught you should want doesn’t matter if it’s not what you want.
Since this is a 3D/Art blog, I’m going to choose a generic creative person to illustrate my point. You can apply this to anyone and it’ll still be true, but for now lets keep it consistent.
A day in the life
Our guy (Ooo lets call him ‘Guy’) is in his mid-thirties, has a wife whom he tells everyone he adores, a son, a nice house with a mortgage, and an office job. Let’s say he earns $50k a year; that’s not bad right? He’s always polite and pleasant, never has a bad word to say about anyone, and seems happy enough. In fact, let’s take it even further and say that he’s consistently employee of the month, people come to him for advice all the time, and everyone likes him.
Everyone that is, except himself. When it’d been time for him to choose a college course he’d wanted to go and learn something to do with art or games. His parents had sat him down and, with the best intentions in the world, explained how there was no money in it and how he’d struggle because he wasn’t ‘exceptional’. He filled out his applications with their help to go and be a lawyer or accountant. He accepted accountancy because when the offers came round they’d schmoozed him the most.
When he was a little older and had started college he had a female friend that he’d met at one of the art galleries he’d snuck off to on one of his holidays. They spoke online all the time, and soon he fell in love with her. She wasn’t absolutely stunning, but in his eyes she was perfect; talented, fun, caring, vibrant, creative. He proposed to her, and she happily accepted, but due to circumstances in their own lives it was going to be a while before they could meet. Delighted, he told his friends about her and was met with a steady stream of ‘oh, long distance relationships never work…’ and ‘How do you know she’s not with some other guy?’. Again they all very well intentioned and meant to protect poor Guy, but in the end it made things so strained that he broke it off with her out of fear and married a local girl, also an accountant in training. His parents and friends approved.
After graduation he wanted to pack up and travel the world before settling down; he took out a loan and bought a house. He also got a local job and stayed there, despite hating every second of it.
A couple of years passed and his wife wanted a kid. By then he felt that she must be right he supposed, and 9 months later she gave birth to a son. He loved his kid, but he didn’t really want him.
Every day he goes out to work at his boring 9-5 job, listens to his boss go on about projections and plans, nod along with those plans, keep his head down and have safe conversation with his co-workers. He’d offer help to anyone that needed it, he always got his work done on time, and he had some of the best results of any team in the company. When Guy got home he’d have dinner with his family and make small talk about their days. After dinner he’d have to go and prepare for work the next day, his son would play alone in his room, and his wife would clean then go and prepare her own work. Bed time was a solemn affair; at least until his wife had left the room.
Then he’d happily tell his kid stories (his wife considered filling the child’s head with nonsense to be a bad thing) of dragons and ogres and similar magical creatures or of treasure and princesses and good guys always getting the glory. This was probably the highlight of his day; things went steadily downhill after that.
He’d go downstairs and listen to his wife gabbling on about her day and what the ladies at the office were talking about. Or her family. Or their collective incomes. Every few nights he’d get to hear about how he never did much in the way of house-work, and how he was a kill joy and her sister said she could do better. Then she’d get a strange look on her face that he supposed was meant to be ‘sexy’ and order him to bed.
Guy hated every second of his life, and while I’d love to make my fictional character suddenly burst out of it and follow his dreams – most people don’t. They keep going until they convince themselves that its all they deserve, or worse, that they’re happy.
Let’s get personal
So how, exactly, does this affect you?
Have a look at your life, how much of what you do is because you truly want to do it? Are you being prodded into something you don’t enjoy under the guise of ‘this is how life works’?
Why aren’t you angry about it? Or if you are, why are you still doing it?
Personally I think we all do this, up to a point. Me included though I’m doing my utmost to change that right now; what’s your story?
The3dStudio.com
Hello,
I think that this is a very thought provoking post, and concerns us all I guess.
In the last Oscar Awards, the person (Michael Giacchino) who received the award for best original score for the movie ‘Up’ said this in his speech:
Thank you, guys. When I was… I was nine and I asked my dad, “Can I have your movie camera? That old, wind-up 8 millimeter camera that was in your drawer?” And he goes, “Sure, take it.” And I took it and I started making movies with it and I started being as creative as I could, and never once in my life did my parents ever say, “What you’re doing is a waste of time.” Never. And I grew up, I had teachers, I had colleagues, I had people that I worked with all through my life who always told me what you’re doing is not a waste of time. So that was normal to me that it was OK to do that. I know there are kids out there that don’t have that support system so if you’re out there and you’re listening, listen to me: If you want to be creative, get out there and do it. It’s not a waste of time. Do it. OK? Thank you. Thank you.
This was just a recent example. History is full of examples like this.
A little example from my past
. When I was doing my BSc, in my final year project I decided to make a 3d game. Everyone said that it has no scope and there are no jobs, and you will be at a loss. But I did it because I was determined to do it. The ideas were genuine, my story was genuine, my concept art and story boarding was genuine and above all my mind was focused. I applied to the best animation house here to provide me some guidance or an internship, and they replied, liked my idea, offered me supervision, and internship. God opened a way for me to pursue my passion and interests. I was finally able to make the game which was beyond our and the teachers’ expectations. When I went to Glasgow, I used to tell my friends about it and they used to get amazed. My interviewers seemed to be most intrigued about it. hehe
Anyway what I mean to say is that if someone has an interest and he/she feels comfortable at it, then he/she should pursue it.
Guy must have been very influential in his office and to his co-workers because of his positive attitude, but I think everyday he pretends to be like that. At the back of his head, he keeps thinking of pursuing his passions, and that he should have listened to his heart instead of other people.
nice post!
Ismail
Wow. Didn’t know that about Michael Giacchino, but I guess it makes sense. The more you’re supported by the people around you, the easier you’ll tend to find it to go ahead and follow your dreams.
I did know about your visit to Scotland though! =P I’m glad you had the chance to, really. And doing a game with everyone else telling you that you were basically wrong must have taken guts, so I commend you for that. Great job.
Anyway, Guy doesn’t exist really – though I can think of a whole host of people I know that I could have been talking about. Fairly certain you’re right about what was going on in his head though, wouldn’t want to live that way.
Thanks for stopping by! As always, a pleasure to see you.
.-= TylinaVespart´s last blog ..The Mayans: Room Security =-.
I could write an an entire website on this topic. Daily, for a year.
From experience.
Let’s look to the future instead. It’s much brighter than the past.
.-= Dave Doolin´s last blog ..Mailbag: Looking for recommendations for promoting cornerstone content =-.
I couldn’t quite last a year, but there’s certainly enough for a few months. Better to look to the future though, you’re right there.
Thanks for stopping by Dave
.-= TylinaVespart´s last blog ..The Mayans: Room Security =-.
I’ve finally gotten this sorted in my own life recently.
I’ve defined my goals and made sure that they are what I want to achieve rather than the dreams of others.
Good post Heather!
.-= Ben´s last blog ..A call to arms! Be Courageous =-.
Thanks Ben, glad you got it figured out! Bound to make you a bit happier now too surely?
.-= TylinaVespart´s last blog ..What’s wrong with being who you are? =-.
Yeah for sure!
.-= Ben´s last blog ..A call to arms! Be Courageous =-.
Great!
[...] What’s wrong with being who you are? [...]
Wow, that story about Guy brought tears to my eyes. What a soul sucking, mind draining existence
All I ever wanted to do though was fall in love, get married and have kids. How does that fit in with dreaming big?!
That said, as you know, I have now got some pretty big dreams. I have some people around me who try to help me be ‘realistic’ about these dreams but thankfully, other friends who are happy to grab my hand and join me on this wild adventure
I think Ben’s right when he talks about goals. It was thinking about short, medium and long term dreams that helped clarify in my head what it is that I really want.
A sad but very thought provoking post Heather. Thank you
.-= Eleanor Edwards´s last blog ..Friday Friends: From Geek to The Helping Guy #FF @6aliens =-.
There were tears? o.O
I’m now stunned, thank you very much! Anyway, if you have dreams then chase after them with all your might. Possibly the way to look at it is, so long as you can plan to get there, the more unrealistic your dreams the less chance of someone beating you to it!
Good luck Eleanor, I’m sure you’ll get to where you want to go.
.-= TylinaVespart´s last blog ..Set the table with Lathe =-.
Wow how did I miss this one? Just via twitter did I see it. You got more in ya than I thought. It reminds me of the past post I published,- I Am Not Naked and You Are Not In Charge http://bit.ly/boeU2N -
Hmm. Brought about different emotions, not sure what to add except a high five for putting it down Heather.
Lee
.-= Lee ´s last blog ..Be in it to Win it | Traffic Sources Soar Using These Techniques =-.
I remember that post =) Was pretty good as I recall.
Anyway, thank you! It was an odd one to write… A definite inspiration moment, though a far from ‘happy’ post. Its more focused on showing what will happen if you don’t, rather than what doing so will do for you. Cheers for the high five though.
.-= TylinaVespart´s last blog ..The Mayans: Jax’s Role =-.
had to come back and check the box | forgot to check notify/followup in case you shout out
.-= lee´s last blog ..Be in it to Win it | Traffic Sources Soar Using These Techniques =-.